There and Back Again!

So to say the least, it's been awhile since I posted! I never fully gave up or have forgotten about this blog. I'm not one for dragging things out, so here it is. I home schooled my son through high school. I did it, not short of a miracle. There is a reason I didn't follow through with my updates about Zachary. I became very sick. So sick I needed three sinus surgeries and an angiogram. That's something I can come back to.

What I do want to jump to is this; my son's Dyspraxia has taken a backseat to something else. I just don't know which one to explain first. Since I've been in recovery I've noticed some odd behavior in his every day routine. It started his senior year, at home. Our family thought he was being thorough because of his Dyspraxia, but it turns out it had crossed over into full blown OCD.  OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER. Now, I'm skipping over many things, but like I said, I like to get to the point. I was so happy he graduated high school, achieving  a milestone I only dreamed of, to be set back by THIS  disorder growing right under my nose. I had been distracted by my illness. I felt betrayed by my optimism. As it grew, we desperately searched for help. Hidden by the fact that Zachary is attending college, holding a job too. Suddenly, the road I thought we had completed, started all over again.

I've neglected this blog unintentionally. I've been fighting sinus problems for the last year, and it takes every ounce of push to teach Zach his schoolwork. There is a lot I have missed saying, and believe me, I feel like a huge opportunity passed me by. I'm going to try to pick up just from today and possibly reflect on some past issues. Again, my problems are still around, so bear with me while I deal with both Health and school.

Since March, Zach has been learning how to drive. I was so nervous when he started, not knowing what to expect. He turned sixteen back in May and we waited, on purpose, to take him for his permit. Zach is very particular on how he does things. He hates to miss a step in any process, so making sure he checks his mirrors, seat, steering wheel, etc...is daunting and over tedious. He is confident one time and overwhelmed the next. Let me say, he has been driving since the beginning of march and took driving school in May....and passed. Yet, when I asked him to turn the car around out in front of our home the other morning, he couldn't. he panicked, and came back in the house freaking out and yelling at me to get in the truck with him to help him. I reminded him that he's been doing this a while now and he also needs to remain calm now, so if something horrible should happen on the road he would know what to do. He still forgets, spontaneously, which way to turn the steering wheel, how to work the controls on the dash, when he can turn on red or not, when to start braking, and most dangerously, who has the right of way.

Zach drives himself to school and then I take over from there. I try to get him to drive more at other times, and he does, but after a short time, he becomes exhausted and I have to take the wheel. I do believe his fear is what is shaking him up.

 Like I said, he doesn't like change, so finding him a car is hard work! He wants my truck and nothing else. He hates to step outside his routine (comfort zone) and since he's learning to drive my truck, that's all he wants. I'v reasurred him he will love having his own vehicle, but he is weary about it.

Test

Begin again...

O.K., I know it's been awhile. I tried to enjoy my summer, playing and hanging out with my kids, and I did! My summer was jam packed with activities and wonderful memories. I lacked motivation though to work on Zach's school work, leftover papers and wrapping up records for his freshman year. But, alas, I made it through at the last minute. He finished good. But I still have yet to teach him to WRITE a paper. Essay, yes. That he can do. I feel I have fallen behind myself and have let him down for not achieving this yet. My intentions were there, I get just as burned out as he does, and we both need some break. Zach finished summer P.E. and worked on Algebra review and language arts review Monday-Thursday. Today was an eye opener. I'm on the brink of loosing it and have been knocked back what feels like to the day he was diagnosed with Dyspraxia. This horrible disability that in one afternoon can take what seems like everything away. I'm angry, scared, frustrated, and walking into a black hole. Zach has tried to be sneaky and it just came to light today. We started his "spelling" class since school starts this Wednesday. Boy was I grounded and fast. Again, did I do enough up until this point? Did I slack this summer? I need to suck all these feelings in and move forward, be positive and never take my eye off of him. follow through everything if I'm going to achieve my goal of a self sustainable young man. This is another begin again, and I'll make it through, I always do.

Math

I have to vent about math. Zach's doing good, that's not the problem. He just HATES it! He starts to get very upset and frustrated as soon as we sit down to work. His short term memory difficulties pop up like every third day and I have to remind him...negative and a negative is a positive. positive and a negative is a negative. Which direction to go on a number line if your adding two negative numbers. He frequently slips up his multiplication and addition. He knows the difference of course but what he sees and what his brain processes are two different things. -5 divided by 25 can be so upsetting. But then...I say it out loud, Zach that's easy..-5 divided by 25 and he throws his arms up and gets upset with himself! It's ok...move on, I say. We celebrated Mother's Day today by working on two hours of Polynomial work. I had to stand by to remind him here or there about these small things, yet writing out the work on a long division polynomial comes very easy to him. That's how I know he's learning. I don't let the little things bother me. I just want him to know that.

Always looking

http://www.karifisher.net/

I found a new blog today that is written by Kari Fisher...not to be confused with the Carrie Fischer who portrays our beloved Princess Leia from the Star Wars series. I like to find and read any other information I can find about Dyspraxia. Of course, to me at this point, it is like listening to a horrible scratched record. (Don't get me wrong. She has a great blog.) It hurts my brain to read over and over again the symptoms, causes, and effects of this disability. I've SEEN it...I don't want to hear about it again from the beginning! I want to talk about what comes next...what outlook do I have to look forward to and how to deal with it. Of course I would help anyone who needed it.  Or maybe they just had a diagnosis and had questions. I want to spread the word and bring attention to it, but we need more than just what to look for from infancy...What can we do as the years go by? I'm proud of my son. He has Dyspraxia. He's going to be great. Just watch me get him there.

trying 3-D shapes

Today I was going to show you some of Zach's art work. Art, especially 3-D art is very difficult for children with Dyspraxia. But let me tell you, they make the coolest 2-D art you'll ever see! I started Zach in art class when I started homeschooling him in 4th grade and he has taken it ever since. I enrolled him because art is like occupational therapy. It keeps the brain connecting and thinking. 

Getting closer to the Finish Line

I've been down for awhile with a sinus infection and when that happens Zach suffers. I usually help him study for his tests, but with a horrible headache it makes it impossible. We trudged through spring break and did pretty well since I was able to micro-manage him. What I mean by that is being able to constantly say...""Did you get it done?....Are you doing it now?"" Like every 5-10 minutes I have to cross his path to make sure he is reading or writing. Otherwise he will space out and accomplish nothing.

With a renewed sense of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, being May and all, I am very upbeat about his work. I always get excited this time of year! I have a feeling of...You did it!!! (We did it!) Of course Zach likes to count down the days too! He celebrates his birthday Memorial weekend and what a perfect time to do so.

This Easter we went to visit our new baby niece, Abbie. Abbie is nine months old and lives four hours away, so we have missed quite a few milestones. She is adorable and she immediately took to Zach. Honestly she wanted nothing to do with anyone but him! I LOVED seeing it. I felt reassured that someday he would be a great Dad and that all the natural instincts a dad would need to be a great father. He took every opportunity to hold, feed, and adore her.